Light and Dark

Like all good worriers, I've taken my breast cancer to the worst possible places, imagined horrible scenarios, and come back round again. I've danced out of my fear, back into the light, where every moment breathes its own life into me, and then fallen back into the shadows, where at times, I'm not sure I can find my way out. But the sun rises as surely as it sets, moving through the shadows and illuminating darkness--fears, anxieties, anger. Another day, another cycle of hope, fear, regret.

I haven't felt rage--just a blanketing, familiar sadness, and some blasts of terror. Things have felt unsettled, which I don't like, and these uncertainties have added to my anxiety. But no rage. Yet.

I was reminding the boys the other day that all of us are made of light and dark, reflecting the very same in the world around us, and that while we shine our light on the dark spaces, we must stay in the light. So, while contemplating Death, turning it over and about like a smooth stone in my hand, eyeballing it, and putting it aside, for later, I hold on to Hope, the sustaining warmth of the afternoon March sun, the reassurance from a friend, those little nuggets of joy waiting to be discovered in each and every moment.

The following story came to me from a friend whose son brought it home to share after hearing it round a wilderness program fire. She copied this version off http://lpintop.tripod.com/laurasinspirationalpages/id17.html

Two Wolves
An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life:

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."

Thanks to Valerie and Aji for sending this story my way.