I've decided to postpone getting my new nipple. Originally scheduled for August 19, the procedure will now take place on October 14, which also happens to be my birthday. I did not engineer it to fall on such an illustrious day (haha); October 14th just happened to be the next available every-other-Tuesday that Dr. Pitts had open in the OR. What prompted my decision, you ask? No, believe it or not, I did not need more time with my nipple placements, though it has been quite enjoyable messing around with where the new nipple should go: a little left of center, riding up high, or blazing in the dead middle, my own ojo de dios. No, I made my decision based on more pragmatic reasons; quite simply, I wanted to to be able to swim those final days of summer away.
Since Dr. Pitts had told me during my last appointment that there would be no swimming allowed for a while after the nipple procedure, and that I might want to reschedule it for the fall, I decided to take her hint that only odd ducks get their new nipples during the summer, when swimming without worrying about how the water will make your new nipple sting and ache (not to mention totally mess up the multiple incisions and stitches) should be a daily right. Who wants to be an odd duck? Not me.
My new nipple will be the best birthday present ever, a little bit of mystery gift-wrapped in gauze. And until I can stand the thought of unwrapping the bandages to reveal my gift, it'll hide out and heal, under wraps, getting used to its new incarnation (after all, it was just skin before). Like most other perfect gifts, my new nipple will be functional as well as beautiful, though exactly what I'll be using it for has yet to be determined. My new girl is gradually regaining feeling, all those tweaked sensory nerves starting to regain their zippiness, and things are starting to feel fairly good on my left side. I suspect my new nipple, once installed, will be a strange piece of skin sculpture, a real oddity, for some time. But it's symmetry and balance I'm after, and my new nipple will offer a semblance of that--in so much as it will make it appear that I have two perfectly normal, perfectly matched breasts, even when I'm wearing nothing but a slip of a tank top. And if you talk to most women, having two nearly perfectly matched breasts will make me a bit of a freak, since lopsidedness seems to be the rule, not the exception, particularly among women whose breasts worked double shifts nursing ravenous infants and comforting demanding toddlers.
Trust me, they'll never be perfectly matched, just perfect enough. One is filled with real live breast tissue, the other with silicone. And that one? It has a raging scar running red tracks across the top. Not so perfect, just perfect enough, and for that, I am grateful.
So, it's official: the full moon of October 14 promises the long-awaited next phase in the reconstruction process: a new nipple for the start of my 44th year. Hey, why not? Maybe the OR nurses will sing Happy Birthday to me (and to my newly arrived nip-let), festoon the OR with streamers and balloons (latex-free, please), and give me a little extra valium, just because. I'll be sure to order up some tassels for my new nip-let, dress her up appropriately for the occasion. And perhaps later, once she's completed her nipple training, we'll have a proper coming out party for her--though of course, she may want to wait until she has been dressed in her regal colors of pinkish, areola hues. Who knows? Maybe I'll get tattooed for Christmas! Then my new girl will truly be ready to celebrate in full style for the New Year, tassels and all.
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